Sometimes, I think that having a child is the ultimate selfish act. Lumpy (the squirmy artichoke-sized human in my belly) didn’t ask to be conceived. I wanted to create him or her.
In my darker moments, I worry that I am casting Lumpy into an angry, dying world. Governments are moving too slowly to rescue the earth from climate change. People seem selfish – consuming more than ever before. Fake online communities are replacing real ones. The news is filled with hate, fuelled by inequality.
My mother tried to make me a good citizen of the planet. I imagine myself teaching Lumpy to volunteer, make sustainable choices, be kind to all humans, and fight for positive change.
I cling to the hope that the next few generations will be better stewards of the earth – that they will bridge false barriers like religion, nationality, gender and race to move forward together. Maybe Lumpy will be the one to end humanity’s reliance on fossil fuels. Who knows?
I always try to choose optimism, but it can be an uphill battle.
I’ve been listening to a lot of Leonard Cohen lately, because I think he really saw people and relationships as they are – imperfect, but somehow beautiful. For my sanity, and for Lumpy’s wellbeing, I will try to focus on that beauty.
Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering There is a crack, a crack in everything That’s how the light gets in
Our little family of three is about to grow. We’re pregnant! In fact, today is the 100th day of our pregnancy – our pregniversary.
Meet Lumpy. I think he or she looks like a misshapen peanut.
Here are our pregnancy adventure nicknames:
Barfy: I throw up at least once a day. It sucks.
Worry: JF is already in full research mode. His latest obsession is evidence-based parenting.
Smelly: I have been super sensitive to Odie’s stink lately – especially when he’s wet.
Lumpy: Our nickname for the little goober.
Together, we’re the four gestational dwarves. We’re a team! Slowly chugging toward our April delivery date.
Three of the four gestational dwarves. Missing from the image: Lumpy.
And I mean slowly. The last three months haven’t exactly been a magical journey. In addition to the regular vomiting, I’m exhausted, sore, bloated and gassy – plus a few more things no one wants to hear about. Let’s just say I am not glowing.
My daily vitamins. I have to carefully time them to avoid puking.
But somehow, between naps and visits to the toilet, I’m still excited. I keep a journal. I have colours picked out for the nursery. And I can’t wait for itty bitty socks and baby smell.
Under his mountain of daddy books and stroller spreadsheets, I know JF is excited too. In fact, he’s been a total rock star. He now shoulders all the Odie walking and groceries, plus the occasional meal prep. Today, he even cleaned my car. His grumble-free dedication to Lumpy and I makes me love him even more. I am so lucky.
Me on a rare dog walk. JF has been doing all the Odie-minding lately.
As we begin our second trimester, there’s a lot to do and a lot to worry about. But there’s also so much to be grateful for. I like to think all four gestational dwarves are looking ahead to a (hopefully retch-free) future – a new, exhilarating and mildly terrifying chapter in our lives.
Well, we did it! Almost 11 years after our first date, we got married.
Weatherpeople predicted hail, thunderstorms and even tornados for our wedding day, but in the end, it was just a bit cool and windy.
More than 200 people came to watch us say our vows. They all toasted to our long and happy lives together. We’d like to thank each and every one of them for being there. Jf and I both felt very supported and fortunate.
No event is without its glitches (our tent filled with angry smoke when someone tried to light a bonfire despite the wind) but mostly, we had a grand old time.
So many friends and family members worked hard to make our day great – far too many for this post. We owe about a trillion favours. But my uncle Andy deserves a special thank you. He delivered the most spectacular home fireworks show I have ever seen in my life. It was better than Canada Day in Midland, truly.
We spent Sunday cleaning and quietly recovering from the party with family. On Monday afternoon, we were leisurely packing when we realized that our flight left at 5 :30 p.m. not 11 :30 p.m.
Despite a few heart palpitations, we managed to cram some things into random suitcases and speed to the airport, leaving a sad Odie, and hasty instructions for his care, behind us. We (barely) made it onto our flight.
I thought I’d hate Venice (a.k.a. Americans-in-Italy-land) but I quite liked it. It was charming and beautiful. JF and I have decided Slovenia is the perfect country. People are kind, groceries are cheap, tourists are scarce, and the scenery is gorgeous wherever you look. We spent a few days in Croatia, mainly tanning on the coast, before heading home.
JF and our rented car in the Soca Valley.
One of many beers in the Slovenian alps
The bustling grand canal in Venice
Streets of Motovun, in Croatia
A Slovenian church at the tip top of a mountain
Now, we’re settling back into reality again. Everyone asks me « how does it feel? » to which I answer « exactly the same as before.» Because after a decade there is no mystery, just well-worn, comfortable, wonderful love.
Picking up ingredients for s’mores: just one of 300 items on ye olde wedding to do list
Wedding planning isn’t at all what it looks like on TV. You don’t just pick a cake, hire a planner, attend a tasting and call it a day. The reality is messier, more political and more tiring.
I’m an easy going person. But even my brand of wedding planning (a.k.a « sure, that sounds good! ») hasn’t been stress free. As we count down the days, I’m feeling rather worn out.
That could be because my physical state isn’t stellar at the moment. I am currently wrestling with :
Quite severe poison ivy: Scroll to the bottom of this post for a disgusting photo (don’t say I didn’t warn you)
Dysmenorreah: A fancy word for really strong abdominal cramps
Sunburn: The cut of my t-shirt that hot day has created an attractive white strip on my back that should look great with my strapless wedding dress
Dozens of scratches: All over my arms and legs from wrestling with a nettle tree that used to live on the wedding site
Exhaustion: I’ve been sleeping poorly – probably because of the combination of poison ivy, sunburn and dysmenorreah
Crappy eating: As my spare time shrinks, I have devolved into regular meals consisting of BBQ chips
Our friends Mireille and Patrick travelled up from Toronto several times to help prep the property and make decorations
I’m surviving the home stretch – or perhaps the whole wedding process – because of the army of friends and family who support us. These are the very same people who stripped acres upon acres of wallpaper when we moved into our home.
Almost every element of this wedding involves people who love us. JF’s mom is our officiant. My mom bought my dress. My dad is loaning us speakers. Our uncles are leading music and fireworks. Friends made our rings, invitations and wedding arch. My avo even made Odie a bowtie.
That paragraph only covers a quarter of the favours people have, are and will be doing to make our day a good one.
How many people can say they have a love army? I remain so very lucky — poison ivy and all.
Speaking of poison ivy, I’ve posted the vile image of my oozing rash below.
Last chance to not look.
OK to protect you from the repulsive photo, here’s a shot of my lovely work friends and I. They treated me to a delicious meal and some lovely gifts. I felt super special!
Scroll up now if you don’t want to be seriously grossed out.
Here it is!
Poison ivy. Sickening.
Told you! Nasty, isn’t it? Let’s hope it clears up before the wedding.
So much has happened these past few months, I hardly know where to begin. Serves me right for waiting so long to post! Here’s a poor attempt at a recap.
Sunny Mexico: After Christmas, we stayed in a small town called Puerto Morelos, just south of Cancun. The company, food and locale were increíble!
I like this man feeding the seagulls on the beach
This is the old town lighthouse, nearly toppled by a hurrican
A little church in Puerto Morelos
Three kings: We toasted the magi with our friend Pascal, who I am convinced only recognizes this holiday because of this gorgeous French cake.
La galette des rois. Probably the most delicious and pretty thing I’ve ever eaten.
Neil visite: My papa was in Canada for a week or so, which meant a visit with plenty of conversation and tea.
Neil and tea
Showered with love: I couldn’t say no to my persuasive aunt JoAnne when she offered to throw me a bridal shower. In the end, all I felt that day was love and gratitude for the amazing women in my family.
Skating trail: Mireille, Patrick, JF and I went to Arrowhead Provincial Park to try the skating trail. Plus, we ran into an old high school friend.
Mireille and Patrick on the skating trail
JF and our high school friend, Dave
Recycled valentines: Some colleagues and I exchanged valentines of a different kind – second hand items from our homes and wardrobes. I scored lace, records, art and lots of other good loot.
Smoked salmon-flavoured barf: After a fun meal out with friends, I spent over 24 hours vomiting. I will never eat smoked salmon again.
Familying: We spent the February long weekend with JF’s family in Ottawa, which was its usual really really ridiculously cold self. Luckily our hosts were warm and generous.
A walk through a park in Ottawa
Francophone women unite! Local French-speakers gathered for a great concert (check out Cherry Chérie) and meal for International Women’s Day. I was accompanied by some female powerhouses : my maman, sister and mother-in-law.
Gen and I at the gala
A smack in the head: Two weeks ago, I slipped on some ice and fell on my head – quite hard, as it turns out. The doctor told me to take several days off work without TV, books, phones or computers. It was terribly dull.
I made the best of my sick days and snuggled with Odie
Rebelo invasion: I hosted my sisters and cousins for a weekend of games and food. It was kind of like that scene from Home Alone where everyone is rushing around to get to the airport. JF looked like this the whole time.
Odie loves my cousin Owen
Rebelos doing what they do best – eating and playing games
Hogtown: I visited Toronto twice. There were baby showers, meals out, meals in, and walks downtown. Thanks for the company, friends! Xo
Jasel, Yishey, Rigden and I trying the selfie stick I got for Christmas ❤
Whispering bells: We keep chipping away at wedding planning. So far my favourite element is the sparkly white knit bow tie my avo made for Odie.
Odie’s bow tie
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There was also volunteer work, a friend’s adorable new baby, dog ear infections, breakfast with my grade school bestie, JF’s 30th birthday, Weight Watchers, house renos, and more.
With so many commitments and our wedding less than three months away, 2016 is shaping up to be “pleine a craquer” — full to the point of cracking. But so far, the adventures have been enriching, varied and plentiful.
As I thank baby Jesus for the end of snow and ice, I can only look ahead —to sunshine, tulips and forsythia.
My avô (grandpa) died a few weeks ago. I loved him very much, so I’m still quite sad.
This is my grandpa, Dinis Rebelo. Wasn’t he handsome?
The end of his life was hard. He spent five years in a dementia ward. I still can’t bring myself to say his death was a blessing, but I’m glad he’s free of that place.
When he first got there, he walked around confused, running his hand against the wall and staring at all the blank people. With time, he became one of them. He lost the ability to walk, forgot our names, and stopped feeding himself. I cried the first time I watched him read the Toronto Star upside down.
Alzheimer’s is a cruel disease. It robs people of dignity, history and identity – three things that were vitally important to avô.
I prefer to remember him as he was most of his life: proud, handsome and sharp as the tools in his garage. He was a farmer, winemaker, Maple Leafs fan, devout catholic, carpenter, volunteer and family man. You can read more about him, if you’d like.
Alicia’s first birthday. Aren’t we cute?
A year or two before he went to the senior’s home.
Me and avô. I thought he was pretty cool.
My grandparents with my mom and uncles, David and João.
He loved children. Here he is with my little sister, Geneviève.
Here I am, on his lap.
Avô and baby me!
In his homeland, the Açores. His last visit there as a healthy man.
Selfie! I think we kind of look alike.
For over ten years, avô was our neighbour. He helped my grandma care for us after school. In my gangly years, he drove me to basketball and picked me up after piano. He was at my recitals, tournaments and graduations. In many ways, he was another parent.
I was going to write a post about all of the happy things that have happened lately. There have been many! But somehow, that just didn’t feel right. My grandpa lived life well. I needed to acknowledge that – and him – first.
If you have potent red wine or beer on hand, fill a tumbler to the brim and toast Dinis Rebelo. He was a good man.
Here is my grandpa serving alcohol – as he always did when there were guests.
As a Christmasaholic, I just can’t let this festive season go by without writing about it. I’ve been doing all sorts of merry and bright things these past few weeks.
Baking with the Rebelos
Every year for two decades, maman and aunt Fina devoted a weekend to making sweet treats – enrolling us all as sous-chefs. They’ve retired their aprons, but the tradition continues, led by my sister Alicia. My hands ached after a day of icing cardmom cookies, but I wouldn’t have traded time with my cousins, siblings, aunts, uncles and vavo for all the dollars in all the world.
Gen, cutting biscotti
Concert de noël
I skipped chorale this season to keep up with wedding planning and volunteer commitments, but I couldn’t miss their show! It was held in my childhood church – a grand old thing, for a small village. My favourite moment was when everyone (audience included) sang Minuit Chrétien. I may or may not have shed a tear or two. This is the choir singing that song a few years ago.
Decorating our tree
Last year, our trip to Europe meant toning down the holiday cheer at our house. But this year, I went all out with local greenery : tree, garlands, poinsettias, boughs and branches. For years, my parents have been giving me an ornament every Christmas, so unpacking them is like dusting off years of stories.
Odie and my staircase
Poinsettia with some of the mice made by my mémère
The tree, decked out
Pulling out the record player
Records combine two of my favourite things: nostalgia and music. So I should have known it was love when, in our first month of dating, JF gave me a record player he’d refurbished himself. But it was only last month, when our friends Jacqueline and Fox gave us a vintage amplifier, that we were able to set it up. It’s been a joy, except JF is obsessed with this Cabbage Patch Christmas record from his youth.
Working as at Sainte-Marie Among the Hurons and Discovery Harbour in the summer was such fun. I loved bumping into some of my old colleagues and admiring the historic site by candle light. If you haven’t been to First Light, you really should.
My goddaughter Naomi, looking perfectly Christmas-sy
Visiting with friends
A few annual festive shindigs make my heart glow. One is “Christmas around the world” dinner with Danielle, Joël and Naomi. The other involves our gang of dear Toronto friends, board games and shenanigans.
Danielle, Joël and Naomi
The gang did a cookie exchange. Check out these textbook gingerbread!
My belief is the smaller the town, the better the crafts. This year mom, Gen, Alicia, Donna and I went to the Victorian Craft Sale for the Midland OSPCA. It featured all sorts of kitschy and awesome stuff, plus free tea and cookies. I also checked out the Elmvale Christmas Craft Sale (organized by my neighbours) where I picked up the cutest little knit things.
I think my very favourite Christmas movie (possibly favourite movie of all time) is The Apartment. But I dearly love Miracle on 34th Street (original, of course), Holiday Inn, Meet me in St. Louis, and The Bishop’s Wife. I also have a soft spot for Home Alone, The Santa Clause, Die Hard, A Christmas Story, Rare Exports and perhaps most shamefully, A Muppet’s Christmas Carol.
This weekend, the family parties begins. We’re spending time at mom’s on Friday, and with Lefaives on Saturday. Next week includes a jam-packed agenda filled with carols, cookies, stockings and enormous meals. Now all we need is snow!
It’s snowing outside and some flakes might just stick. It looks like a giant used an enormous sifter to sprinkle icing sugar all over Elmvale.
Icing sugar hair
Our street tonight
We took a little stroll with Odie today
I’m sitting on the couch with Odie. JF is re-stringing his guitar. I’ve lit a few candles, cranked up Lady in Satin, and put on some slippers. We’re admiring the fluffy white puffs as they plummet from the night sky.
Odie’s head and my slippers
For the first time in months, we’re enjoying a weekend with no plans in it. So far we’ve made a surprisingly cathartic trip to the Midland dump, watched the first three (decidedly unredeemable) episodes of Star Wars, and puttered around the house.
On quiet days like these, I’m so very grateful for everything I have: a caring partner, a giant smelly dog, a loving family, a rickety (but safe and warm) home, amazing friends, a good job, Tobias, and easy access to delicious doughnuts.
Not to mention the hundreds of knick knacks that bring me comfort and joy. I’ve just put up a few well-worn Christmas treasures. And I ’m so excited to hang our Christmas lights tomorrow!
The Christmas lights we’ll be hanging tomorrow
This advent calendar was given to us by my aunt Fina decades ago. He is affectionately known as “tortured Santa.”
Cedar boughs on our front door
I hope you’re just as nestled and cozy (and lucky) as I am, wherever you’re reading this.
I’m feeling philosophical this rainy evening. My giant, smelly dog is snuggled next to me on the couch. I’m drinking black tea with milk (a habit I picked up from dad) and pondering a pretty big concept: happiness.
I think I have a wellbeing spectrum. I can be mopey one week, incandescently happy the next. Some things (JF, Odie, family, friends) boost me up the scale, others (bills, illness, work stress) shove me down.
I’m fortunate to have spent more time in joy than in sadness. I think it’s because my mom trained me to find pleasure in little things like watching old movies, picking blackberries, and reading good books.
I work at seeing and recognizing those happiness-boosters every day, because they tip the balance in joy’s favour. And sometimes it is work – important work that prevents the bad stuff from swallowing me up. Joy can be brittle.
Today, I don’t have to work at anything. I’m feeling glad and grateful for so many reasons. Here are my top 10:
New stained glass window: For two years, we’ve lived with a broken windowpane over our front door. Now, thanks to local artist Renee Havers, our hallway is lit by a beautiful, coloured work of art.
New window! (cameo: Odie)
I really should have removed the lantern (left) but you get teh idea
Visits with good friends: I have a lot of kind, funny and smart people in my life. Lately, I’ve spent time with many of them over food or tea.
Mireille and I (intently) watched the Jays’ game and coloured. It was pretty great.
Fall walks with Odie: I adore fall. And the colours this autumn have been spectacular, so I’ve been sporting my blundstones and sweaters on local trails, with my giant pup.
This is the route we take most mornings. It’s been really beautiful lately
Magic Mike and Mary: Turns out we needed a handywoman, not a handyman! Mary has already connected the two back decks. And Mike, a family friend, came by to install a back porch light. Thank you both.
Tada! Bigger and better back deck! (ignore the leaves, we need to rake)
My wedding dress is in: I’m trying so hard to be practical about this whole wedding business, but I was pretty excited to pick up my dress – a generous gift from my mom.
Lists of love: Some of my most prized possessions are handwritten lists of reasons I’m loved. I keep them in my wallet for those days when I’m feeling glum. Two friends recently created new lists that were truly soul-nurturing.
Toot toot! Thanks Lainers.
New bras: Wearing these, I feel like a new woman. If you haven’t gone for a fitting, I highly recommend Secrets from Your Sister. They cost a pretty penny, but bras that fit are like shoes that fit – they just makes sense.
Time with avo: My grandma makes me laugh and offers me valuable pieces of wisdom. I’ve really enjoyed seeing lots of her lately. She also made me these awesome, elven slippers. Thanks, avo!
Slippers knit by my grandma = awesome
Thanksgiving: A holiday for food and family – two of my favourite things. This past long weekend, I saw many beloved cousins and my old roomie Steph. I also checked out the Elmvale Fall Fair and ate until I had to undo my pants.
My favourite part of the fall fair is the weird vegetable competition
I also love the cow judging
Here are my awesome Rebelo cousins (and Gen)
Beautiful light and colours on our Thanksgiving fall walk
A clean home: We spent a full day giving the house a good clean, and it felt great. For those hard-to-reach nooks, we found a local cleaning lady who charges $25 an hour (cue Enya).
But as lucky as I’ve been lately, I’ll never take joy for granted. Because sometimes life can be tough as pushups after months of slothfulness, or as harsh as hail in May.
It looks like my blog has settled into a new pace – monthly posts. I hope you all don’t mind!
Here’s some recent news from my little life.
We’re eating well, mostly
JF and I decided to eat better and cut out wheat, dairy and sugar for three weeks. The goal? Reset our habits. So long tostitos dinners, hello buddha bowls! Minus a few slip ups (ahem, sweet potato fries) we’re doing quite well. My energy levels are up and I’m feeling less bloated. My doughnut cravings subside a bit every day.
Kale salad – yum!
We signed up for an organic produce delivery service
In Toronto, I always wanted sign up for a Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) program but couldn’t seem to find the right one. I thought Elmvale was a CSA-free zone until my friend Doug sent me this link. Organics Live is reasonably priced, all organic and mostly local. And they deliver to my house every Thursday. It’s only been two weeks but I’m in love.
…filled with healthy treasure!
We’re advocating for a dog park in Elmvale
We want a dog park in Elmvale for the Odester. He loves playing with friends at parks in Wasaga and Midland. Imagine how often we could take him if it was down the street? If you agree, email our awesome councillor Katy Austin to let her know. She’s at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Odie at his cutest. Doesn’t this guy deserve a dog park?
A flyer a neighbour made to promote the cause – feel free to share it!
Wedding planning is progressing
We decided to have our shindig at JF’s parents’ house (merci, Elise et Roger!) for so many reasons. It’s beautiful, it’s free, and it’s close to home. I’ve also picked out my dress, selected flowers, sent out a bunch of save the dates (thanks Eunah!) and made a few decorations with family members. So far, it’s all still fun. Ask me how I feel in a few months.
This is a bad photo of Owen and I, but it kind of shows our photo booth fabric wall
We’re looking for a handyman
After months of grappling with house renovations (mostly JF re-sealed windows while I puttered in the garden) we’ve realized we need some help. So if you know someone who does drywalling, painting and minor electrical, please send them our way!
First target – the dropped ceiling in the mudroom
A local artist is making a stained-glass window for our hallway
The pane of glass above our door has been cracked since we bought the house. We’ve just comissioned a serious upgrade. Local artist Renée Havers is making a piece that should look a little like the inspiration image below. In the meantime, we’re making do with plywood. Sad face.
There are probably other things to share, but my brain’s settling into post-dinner Star Trek zombieness. Suffice to say, we are well.